Friday, October 31, 2008

things I thought were impossible

6. that dogs in Halloween costumes could actually be kind of adorable.

lessons I learned the hard way

22. when you can't afford both lattes and food, the more practical choice is actually the food.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

things our grandmother believes

2) that is totally okay to take someone out shopping for their own Christmas gifts at 11 PM the night before Christmas eve

and then make gingerbread cookies at 2

Merry Christmas?

rhetorical questions

Your moment of zen:

What is the sound of one hand clapping?

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

learn something new today

The negation of the antecedent allows you to infer the validity of the consequent

lessons I learned the hard way

21. Being a good liar would really come in handy at least weekly.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

random facts

If a guy ever tried to sing to me in order to get in my pants, I would look at him like this.

top 5 tuesday

Top 5 Songs That Would Make My Underpants Melt Off If A Boy Sang Them To Me:

5) I Will Possess Your Heart -Death Cab For Cutie (minus the 8-minute base jam)
4) Can You Feel the Love Tonight- Disney's Lion King
3) Your Song- Moulan Rouge
2) A Whole New World- Disney's Aladin
1) I Will Follow You Into The Dark -Death Cab for Cutie

I mostly seduced by DCforC and you can tell

Monday, October 27, 2008

signs of cultural implosion III

That kids today think Avril is punk, that a 22 year old could use the phrase "kids today" in all earnestness, how GD earnest everyone is, AIM-speak in daily life, the fact that the Miss America pageant can't get airtime despite the popularity of Miss Congeniality, pageant moms, the evolution of the Real World (or devolution, rather), Jessica Alba's ability to still make movies after Honey, Kat Von D's fame, people who refer to themselves in the third person, bacon-wrapped hamburgers, the fact that commercials are sometimes more entertaining that the shows they sponsor (see: Superbowl, the), Ore-Ida Steam and Mash, the constant misuse of the word "belligerent" in the reference to drunk people, "I Love Money", all fame and notoriety garnered by appearing on "Flavor of Love" "Rock of Love" or "I Love New York", The Rock's successful acting career, couples who meet via MySpace, Fox News, spinoffs of LOLcats, any Snoop album that doesn't top the charts, Rachel Zoe, IHOP serving anything but pancakes, that you can learn about drugs from your cable company, a televised competition about dog groomers, that two years of gubernatorial experience qualifies a person to be vice president, the ~80% of Americans who don't have passports, Perez Hilton, Perez Hilton breaking actual news, the "Leave Britney Alone" guy,

Sunday, October 26, 2008

lessons I learned the hard way

20. Sleep is actually necessary for full human functionality.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

stupid jokes

How do you get a philosopher off your porch?

Pay for the pizza.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

lessons I learned the hard way

19) Not attending class makes it quite difficult to pass midterms.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

top 5 tuesday: stuff I do at the office

Stuff I do at work instead of work:

5. eat snacks in the copy room
4. contribute, welcome or not, to political conversations around the building
3. brew and drink tea
2. read and comment on Jezebel
1. convince my dad to buy me coffee

random facts

For Halloween, I have dressed as a pumpkin, a black cat, and a Barbie. And just those things.

Monday, October 20, 2008

random facts

I would look fucking fantastic in ecru

learn something new today

Bridesmaids used to wear the same dress as the bride so that evil spirits and jealous ex-lovers wouldn't know who to kidnap.

I'm thinking of putting the Cute One in ecru.

Friday, October 17, 2008

stupid jokes

What's the difference between a philosopher and a large pizza?

A large pizza can feed a family.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

cultural commentary

(from Time magazine's "Pop Chart" 9/29/08, high on the "predictable" side of the scale):


Wednesday, October 15, 2008

lessons I learned the hard way

18. if you are easily riled up by educational issues in presidential debates, you should not view the debate with someone you'd rather not hear you swear.

lessons I learned the hard way

17) it is really difficult to keep a blog going when one works and the other is a lazy college student

Monday, October 13, 2008

lessons I learned the hard way

16) Smoking for 6 hours makes your lungs hurt really, really bad

things I thought were impossible

5. that a person could graduate from college, begin work on a Master's Degree, and still say, in all seriousness, with regards to an essay assignment: "it's only five pages but it's really hard because it has to have a thesis."

Sunday, October 12, 2008

stupid jokes

"I'm a homo sapien, but I'm hoping that if Sarah Palin prays for me enough, I'll become a hetero sapien."

Saturday, October 11, 2008

learn something new today

on the label of Safeway-brand popsicles:

"quiescently frozen confection"

Thursday, October 9, 2008

cultural commentary

(from Joel Stein's Time column 9/29/08, re New York fashion week):

"I've been to political panels, criminal trials, locker rooms of playoff losers, graduate English classes and the Ron Paul convention, and I've never seen people take themselves quite this seriously."

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

guess the show

Someone, usually a woman or child, dies or goes missing. Then two dectives and their back-up (an angry Jew and the original "Cop Killa" (irony!)) go about trying to solve the case. There is sexual tension between the detectives even though the boy-cop has a ex-wife and 16 x 10^83 kids. They eventually go to court or have to consult with the new and annoying DA (I HATE HER). Each episode ends randomly and often without any closure.

jobs I would not want

Moderator, Twilight Fan Fic site

Because it would be the worse version of being a YA reader at a publishing house, but people would submit without all those pesky obstacles like having to put in any effort or thought. And it would be the Twilight series. Probably with plenty of slash.

Posted by "no one understands me!" thirteen year olds. Gah.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

top 5 tuesday

top 5 ways to spend a rainy day (of which there are and will be many)

5) Asleep
4) Planning and executing elaborate meals
3) Scrapbooking
2) Watching Kung-Fu movies
1) Making cheesy-tots and brownies for a whiny (older) sister

top 5 tuesday: halloween costumes

top five costumes I have sported for this, the best of all possible holidays:

5. pumpkin (extreme youth)
4. black cat (1995-1999)
3. Barbie (2000-2006)
2. German girl (2007)
1. firework (2008)

Not included on this list? Yeah, the ill-fated ghost debacle.

Monday, October 6, 2008

random facts

I hate math

a lot

lessons I learned the hard way

15. the day you wear a new white sweater will always be the day you spill your coffee and your cranberry juice. There are no exceptions to this rule.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

lessons I learned the hard way

14. In a showdown between jeans and pavement, the pavement will probably win. Same with flesh, turns out.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

learn something new today

Edith Wharton used to kick it at the estate of Henry James. Sometimes Rudyard Kipling swung by. William James, not so much. He preferred the USofA. That is, after university. Occasionally these literary elite let Stephen Crane come hang.

Now you know.

Friday, October 3, 2008

lessons I learned the hard way

13. Skipping class makes it difficult to do the homework

difficult...or more interesting?

cultural commentary

(from the Seattle PI's review of "Phantom", 9/14/08):

"Sure, there's more talent than taste on display, the first act lasts longer than dinosaurs did, and the musical hooks have a repetitiveness that would make a punk band blush."

Thursday, October 2, 2008

quotes of our father

(about Vice-Presidential nominee Sarah Palin):

"She can be VP-Diddy."

under-appreciated potential superpowers

The ability to transform into a dinosaur

think about it
you could be a fucking dinosaur

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

guess the show

A jaundiced dysfunctional family have myriad adventures in a fictional town set in a notoriously unnamed US state, where they harass their Bible-loving next-door neighbors, frequent an apparently-unpopular dive bar, and cause no end of headaches to bosses and principals, all the while coining popular catchphrases and paying homage to every facet of pop culture you're not smart enough to understand allusions to.