jobs I would not want

Customer Service Rep

The only time people call those lines is when they're so frustrated they want to just yell at someone. All the verbal abuse would be a pain in the ass.

under-appreciated potential superpowers

Magical Alterations

If you could alter your clothes and possibly also drapes and upholstery without the use of a sewing machine and a time investment, think about how great things would be! How well your clothes could fit! How much easier shopping would be! And as an added bonus, you could make home-made (MAGICALLY) American Girl clothes for your friends with children. Cheap gifts!

guess the show

Rich, fake-breasted, leathery-skinned mothers and wives in a major city are taped being bitchy to each other, their husbands and their children. In one manifestation, all of the women look the same except for the brunette and in another version, all the women are black except one. The show features much crying, screaming and arguing over petty things.

lessons I learned the hard way

52. Leaving your debit card at home makes it difficult to use.

top 5 tuesday

movie musicals:

5. Newsies
4. State Fair
3. Fiddler on the Roof
2. Oklahoma
1. West Side Story

list subject to change upon re-viewing of Singing in the Rain, among others

top 5 tuesday

foods to bring to college after a weekend at home

5. Cookies
4. Chips
3. Muffins
2. Pop tarts
1. Fruit/Gummy Snacks

favorite things

raindrops on roses, whiskers on kittens, bright copper kettles, warm woolen mittens

favorite things

Sonic, kittens, slippers, driving, Modest Mouse

favorite things

sweat pants, totchos, SVU, Jezebel, beer

(that would be the best day ever)

things I thought were impossible

11. Running four miles in one day.

top 5 tuesday

Things to do on Valentine's Day

5. Make cards for all your friends
4. Hand out candy
3. Get hugs
2. Get laid
1. Get drunk

lessons I learned the hard way

51. Although it may sound fabulous in theory, a white chocolate caramel cappuccino/french vanilla cappuccino/house blend coffee concocted and purchased at a Chevron station in the suburbs of Vancouver, Washington, is not going to be delicious. At all.

lessons I learned the hard ways

50. If you figure out how to make a drink, people ask you to bar tend for the rest of the night
especially if that is the only drink available

rhetorical questions

If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

top 5 tuesday

random stuff I want off Amazon:

5. Saved by the Bell seasons 3 & 4
4. Wild Hearts Can't Be Broken
3. 8 Minute Abs etc.
2. Psych season 2
1. The Catholic Girl's Guide to Sex

Because you can get everything off Amazon.

lessons I learned the hard way

49. Punching your sister in the face gets you punched back.

rhetorical questions

If you had a child as awesome as Brunhilda, why would you risk lowering your average child-awesomeness by having another?

things our grandmother believes

4. That "I mean, I worry about how I look as much as the next person" is a roughly equivalent statement to "I am crippled by low self-esteem."

lessons I learned the hard way

48. Do not start scrapbooking at 11:30 PM if you entertain any intention of going to bed early-ish.

rhetorical questions

How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?

lessons I learned the hard way

47. Watching Law and Order directly before bed leads to horrible, violent, terrifying nightmares.

top 5 tuesday

Things I could probably not live without

5. High water pressure showers
4. Scattergories/Apple to Apples
3. Cereal and toast
2. Hot chocolate
1. Naps

top 5 tuesday

types of exercise I'll do if I can't avoid working out altogether:

5. the yes and no machines
4. step class
3. the elliptical
2. Carmen Electra's Strip Your Way to Fitness
1. running (for that half marathon, you know)

lessons I learned the hard way

46. Being chinned in the boob still hurts even if they are DD's.

quotes of our father

[re: a tall vanilla steamer purchased during intermission of the play today]

"So it's kind of like a stew but instead of the meat there's milk and instead of potatoes there's vanilla!"

lessons I learned the hard way

45. Herding drunk people is near impossible.