guess the show

The most boring person from a show about faux-drama, which itself focuses on a relatively boring character from a different show about faux-drama, gets her own show in a new big-city location, where she works a fake (or possibly "real") job, struggles to adjust to the fact that her coworker isn't her best friend anymore (and is actually a huge bitch), deals with her not-very-into-her Austrialian "boyfriend," and generally sucks interestingness from the screen as she says polite but uninteresting things and sidesteps all confrontation of any kind.

under-appreciated potential superpowers

lack-of-sleep thrivingness

If you could not only survive but be perfectly content pulling the occasional all-nighter to study, party, and/or watch an SVU marathon, your life and time would be way more flexible!

top 5 tuesday

coffee shops

5. Panera
4. Forza (where I am now sitting)
3. Cabin Coffee
2. Mandolin Cafe
1. Starbuck

With honorable mentions for the Tully's on Campus Drive, San Francisco Coffee Co, Coffee Fellows, and that place by my old apartment (Rachel will remember it, with the friendly waiter fellow) (Fischer's! I remember now. They don't have a website.). Probably SFCC and that last place would be on the list if they were in the United States, but we have to make difficult decisions on Top 5 Tuesday.

lessons I learned the hard way

63. Exhaustion causes moodiness, decreased attention to detal.

(See how I illustrated my point there? Heh heh.)

things I thought were impossible

16. Free ice cream not making me obscenely, lastingly happy.

lessons I learned the hard way

62. While it might be possible to get from UVillage to the Muckleshoot Reservation in an hour under certain conditions, those conditions do not occur at 5 PM on a weekday.

things that should be illegal

sirens in music played on the radio

similarly, phone-like noises and Avril Lavigne on the radio

guess the show

An entitled, over-indulged teen too young to drive rants and raves for a half hour (or 20-ish minutes, with frequent commercial interruptions by Noxema) about her extremely important requirements in the automobile she can't legally drive yet, the dresses her friends are and aren't allowed to wear, the decor in whatever tacky and overpriced venue she's convinced her parents to rent for her, and the over-the-top and ridiculous "theme" of the event, despite the fact that in the real world no one that age still has theme parties (in the real world, that shit doesn't start back up until college), while her parents--who presumably caused her to become this hellion--pretend to be frustrated while also caving in to her every ever-more-insane whim.

jobs I would not want

Cocktail waitress at "the bar" in a college town

I like drinking well enough and I can handle drunk people for awhile. I could not, however, handle seventy of them every night for six hours. The smell, the sweaty dudes, the vomit, the trashy girls...I'd be annoyed at the end of the first week. The tips would probably suck too because it's college kids.

cultural commentary

(from NYMag Vulture, 3/2/09, "Vicious Nacho Cheese Turf War Breaks Out at ShoWest"):


"Up until this point, there has been one dominant player in the lucrative nacho cheese sector of the concession industry: San Antonio's Rico's Nacho Cheese Sauce company. Rico's is the O.G. of the chip-n-cheese biz, having invented the entire concept of nachos as a concession food (!) way back in 1977. However, an upstart company out of Cincinnati called FUNacho has taken the convention by storm, threatening Rico's dominance of the chip-and-cheese market with their amazing, two-sentence tagline "Tastes Great! Hot or Cold!" And while we're not sure that anyone with an IQ over 80 would ever eat nacho cheese cold, we'll admit that their recession-friendly sales pitch ("We believe that low cost doesn’t have to be low end") is quite stirring."

Also, nachos.

favorite things

free scoop day at Ben and Jerry's, inappropriate conversations, secrets, saying "secrets don't make friends," tweets

things that should be illegal

tightsaspants

top 5(+) tuesday

Spokane restaurants I miss (and might eat when I go there soonish)

6. La Katrina
5. Twigs
4. Hu Hot
3. Northern Lights
2. the Elk
1. the Onion

I feel like I'm missing/forgetting many/several, so add on if you wish.

favorite things

nalgene bottles, rings, long, hot showers, new book smell

random facts

No one likes a tattle tale

guess the show

Guest stars include Will Arnett, Matthew Broderick, Carrie Fischer, Rip Torn, most of the cast of SNL, and Jennifer Aniston. Important plot points in season 2 include Sabor de Soledad, a gay bomb, diabetes repair, Teamster subs, backdoor bragging, and a porn video game. And if you're not watching it, I hate you.

cultural commentary

(from NY Mag, 3/24/09)

"Much like everyone else out there who watched an unhealthy amount of cable television in the late nineties and early aughts, we spent many a lazy Sunday on the couch glued to VH1 and their seemingly endless Behind the Music marathons. It didn't matter how many times we had heard the stories of Ozzy Osbourne snorting lines of ants or Nikki Sixx recounting the myriad times he overdosed and woke up with a needle still in his arm, we kept finding ourselves tuning in. But around the time that Flavor Flav first started wooing hoodrats, VH1 turned their back on the beloved franchise..."

laudable lyrics

"Meet me at the altar in your white dress, we ain't getting no younger, we might as well do this."

-Jagged Edge

favorite things

cream-colored ponies and crisp apple streudels, doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles

stupid jokes

What did the drummer get on his test?

Drool.

laudable lyrics

"Thunder only happens when it's raining."

Patently untrue, Fleetwood Mac. Though the next line is accurate.

top 5 tuesday

beers (a la facebook, but less annoying, and subject to change without notice)

5. Manny's
4. Kilkenny
3. Drop Top
2. Blue Moon
1. Augustiner Hell

things our grandmother believes

That 55 is a reasonable speed to drive on any kind of a road, highway, alley, or interstate.

stupid jokes

What do you call people who hang around with musicians?

Drummers.

cultural commentary

(from the Onion, 3/23/09)

"Parade of Interchangeable Starlets Delights U.S. Populace

HOLLYWOOD, CA—A steady stream of indistinguishable, uniformly beautiful actresses brought excitement and joy to millions of Americans Sunday by donning similarly glamorous dresses that hugged their identical figures and marching past television cameras at consistent intervals. Nielsen ratings revealed more than half the country was transfixed by the procession of loose curls, white teeth, and vapid over-the-shoulder glances by each of the 100 percent transposable starlets. "It's amazing to be here," said any one of the striking females to an army of perky, unmemorable entertainment reporters. "Thank you! I can barely breathe in it. You look beautiful, too. I love your earrings." At the conclusion of the hour-long parade, the homogeneous beauties were handed gold statuettes to honor their near-exact roles in impossible-to-tell-apart motion pictures."

laudable lyrics

"It was all a dream, I used to read Word Up magazine,"
and
"Birthdays was the worst days, now we sip champagne when we thirst-ay."

For more lyrics worthy of laud, I recommend just reading all the ones to this song.

things I thought were impossible

15. Nyquil not effectively putting someone to sleep for eight hours or more.

cultural commentary

[Lil Wayne on feeling more rock than rap these days, 4/2/09, NYMag via RS via MTV]

"The rock shit just comes from what my life is now. I've grown into this person. I woke up one morning and had three or four women in my bed where I not only didn't know their last names, I didn't know the beginning letter of their first names. All I know is, they're the most beautiful women in the world, and I was in my own place, in whatever city I was in."

favorite things

high-elasticity hair ties, animal cams, crackers, perfect eyeliner, Steve Madden

learn something new today

The consequences of the Situationist International include post modernism and also Cultural Studies. Like, the field of study.

Now you know.

lessons I learned the hard way

61. You are never refreshed enough to be ready to read Marx.

rhetorical question

Is the grass greener on the other side?

cultural commentary

(from nymag.com, 3/23/09)

"We were smart when we picked the Amish to characterize every so often because truly they would never have any idea. Maybe that's cowardly of us, but it works for us. The turnaround time for complaints from the Amish is suitable for a fast-moving TV schedule." —Mindy Kaling on not worrying about backlash regarding Dwight's Amish heritage [WP]

things I thought were impossible

14. That waking up after a delightful nine-hour sleep would not leave me refreshed and ready to read Marx.

top 5 tuesday

Stupid things that stupid butthead boys do

5. say the worst possible thing at the worst possible time
4. only respond to texts/IMs with monosyllabic or bisyllabic responses (ie. "cool," "yeah," "that sucks," and "haha")
3. kiss other girls
2. don't call you except when they're drunk or looking to get laid
1. be stupid

top 5 tuesday

reasons to drive into town (as they say)

5. to attend class
4. to see some burlesque
3. to shop somewhere cooler
2. trivia (but not at George and the Dragon)
1. slumber parties!

stupid jokes

A fish swims into a wall.

He says, "dam!"

laudable lyrics

"Email my heart and say our love will stay alive forever."

love in the tech era, courtesy of Britney

stupid jokes

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

FSH!

random facts

Gummy vitamins make being healthy really easy.

rhetorical questions

Who let the dogs out?

under-appreciated potential super powers

The ability to magically look good in every photo taken of you.
Even the prettiest girls take wonky photos from time to time. If you're caught off guard and aren't doing that thing that makes your double chin disappear and not crossing your eyes and smiling right, you look super weird and then it goes on facebook and you either have to live with it or untag yourself like an asshole.
But! If every time a picture was taken, your big nose and misshaped eye looked amazing, how convenient would that be?

favorite things

Anything that tastes like bacon. Bacon bacon bacon.

lessons I learned the hard way

60. "March comes in like a lion" etc. is just a saying. Not an accurate predictor of weather patterns.

lessons I learned the hard way

59. Mothers do not appreciate cleaning up after you.

quotes of our father

(in response to the Dove commercial that says, "we asked one woman to wash with soap and another to wash with Dove":)

"We asked one woman to wash with soap and another to wash with tar and cat guts. Guess what happened?!"