rhetorical questions

If you try to fail and succeed, which did you do?

lessons I learned the hard way

5. don't choose your secret blogger name immediately before your sister does so

top 5 tuesday

I am actually doing a top 5 tuesday on tuesday this week

top 5 reasons to leave home for the day/weekend/week/ever

5) you left a mess in the kitchen and don't want to clean it up

4) your room smells a little funky and you are trying to air it out before you suffocate in your sleep one night

3) you are tired of cooking and cleaning for your parents

2) your dad is being sad and it makes you uncomfortable

1) your mother is being an epic bitch...epically

this is why I spend (or try to spend) so little time at home

lessons I learned the hard way

4) You may be a trooper but your liver probably isn't

top 5 tuesday

top 5 weird things that have been said to me

5. (shouted while I was strolling through the mall) "You got a fat ass"
4. (at a friend's party) "I enjoy examining your breasts"
3. (lying in the grass in the dark) "Cute One, where are my pants?"
2. (while walking through the Shakespeare festival) "Fat chicks give good head"
1. (in a club in Croatia) "Will you suck this guy's dick?'

Do you notice a pattern?

jobs I would not want

Dormitory Janitor

Being a sanitary technician is probably not anyone's absolute top choice for a career, but the horror that is this job would be exponentially increased if your placement were in a college dormitory. Because you'd be in charge of cleaning up drunk kids' puke. Probably among other gross things.

And that's probably as far as we need to go with our imaginations down that path. Yikes.

top 5 tuesday: reasons not to update your blog

5. your good friend is hanging out the night before she moves to Buffalo
4. it's Sunday and you're lazy
3. it's Sunday and there's an SVU marathon on USA
2. after catching up on Facebook and Jez, you got tired of the computer
1. you spent the weekend doing actual fun stuff in LaConner, Washington

So I'm sorry! That's my point. We're bad bloggers, but we're working on it.

things I care about more than what you're saying

Cats, fish oil, comfort technology in stilettos, any story that begins with "dude last night I had the weirdest dream," bananas, male strippers, anime, zinc, the Olympics, sand, anything involving caterpillars, fake world records, modern dance and performance art, the name of the 5th Backstreet Boy, my sister's singing career, the ped-egg, made-up tourist attractions outside of the world's largest ball of twine, chemistry, calf exercises, Ron Paul, one-piece swim suits, spatulas, the Twilight series, linear algebra, hazelnut flavoring, French films, 9/11 conspiracy theories, Zach Braff's personal life and navel-gazing ruminations thereon, pantyhose, what is trendy in Japan, laundry, plaster cast molds of famous men's junk, five-blade razors and the closest! shave! ever!, Brunhilda's wrinkles, what that kid I sat next to in 8th-grade history is up to now, the relative merits of saline vs. silicon breast implants, your ass, foot fungus, Taylor Hanson's children, martial arts, my cell phone plan, books by disgruntled former Bush aides, soup, cosmo's sex advice, Sufjan Steven's motivations for leaving Pavement, what JK Rowling is going to do now.

learn something new today

Ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny.

Look it up.

lessons I learned the hard way

3) Brunhilda does not give a damn about what I am talking about
:(

quotes of our father

(while the womenfolk are involved in a particularly passionate game of cards):

"Let's not use our trucker voices right now."

top 5 tuesday: TV shows to veg with

I am a little late, sorry, but facebook distracts me to no end
my list is going to be trashier than Brunny's, just a warning

5) Beauty and the Geek
season 3 was killer, putting the geeky guys with a smart and still cute girl created the most adorable awkward tensions!
4) The Real World (including Real World/Road Rules challenges)
3) Rock of Love/I love New York
I KNOW! How awful, I know but seriously what is better than Bret Michaels (balding) and going after hot, trashy, crazy women and one totally insane woman with fake gazongas going after 'gangstas' with her mom at her side screaming the whole time?
2) Greek
which we just bought the 1st season of and it has consumed me, fully, since then
1) Scrubs
I love turk. This show and a certain bel biv de voe song taught me to never trust a big butt and a smile

top 5 tuesday: TV shows to veg with

5. Beauty and the Geek
4. Psych/Monk (more or less similar)
3. The Office
2. Arrested Development
1. The Simpsons

(The Cute One's answers coming at you soon.)

lessons I learned the hard way

2. iPods are not drop-proof

jobs I would not want

Tennis Court/Golf Course Employee

Initially, the unexperienced reader might think that either of these venues would provide plenty of opportunities for active fun and a snazzy work wardrobe, but to conclude that these jobs are all upside would be wrong, to put it mildly.

The primary task an employee would perform in these instances is: picking up balls. Over and over. All day.

Once recently I played tennis with a tennis coach friend of mine, so I spent about two hours flailing around with a racket, missing, and subsequently picking up a shit ton of tennis balls. And let me tell you that after a while, the last thing in the world your mind and body want to do is bend over for that stupid yellow ball. And the next day, your hamstrings don't want to do anything at all, in protest.

And that would be your life. For which you'd probably be compensated poorly.