cultural commentary

[NYMag 8/26/09]:

"Despite the fact that Russell Brand is set to host the 2009 Video Music Awards, we're still having trouble mustering up anything resembling genuine enthusiasm for the ceremony. That's not to say we're not excited to see that this year's show will be broadcast live from Radio City Music Hall instead of a high-school gymnasium, like last year's ceremony, but our tolerance for the possible pleasure of seeing some sort of celebrity spectacle go down is outweighed by our general distaste for MTV's annual attempt to pretend it still has some semblance of music cred. Also, how exactly does the network expect us to give a rat's ass when Major Lazer didn't even get any nominations? Well, we'll tell you! The promotions group put together this thematically disjointed clip of some of today's most popular artists — some talented (Taylor Swift, Ne-Yo), some not (Katy Perry, Cobra Starship) — singing and dancing along to a hastily rewritten version of "Tonight" from the legendary musical West Side Story. We're just thankful that Leonard Bernstein isn't alive to hear what they've done to his song."

things that should be illegal

the kinds of bangs the CO and I had as children

things I thought were impossible

23. That one could shamelessly order and consume a slice of pizza at 2:20 AM while walking to another late-night pizzeria to order and eat an entire medium pizza.

(The shamelessly part is the part I thought was impossible, if that wasn't clear.)

random facts

Will Arnett plays creepy really, eerily well.

favorite things

lakes, squishies, the Simpsons, meandering, neon pink nail polish, pirogi

learn something new today

The echidna is one of only two mammals that lays eggs. Also, it is super bizarre.

jobs I would not want

masseuse

Not because it's an inherently bad career--in fact, I know some people who quite like it--but because I have this thing about touching and being touched. Also back hair.

top 5 tuesday

TV Networks

5. NBC (only for 30 Rock and the Office and a couple other shows)
4. Comedy
3. Food
2. Discovery (especially during Shark Week)
1. USA

top 5 tuesday

channels on television

5. Food
4. VH1
3. Bravo
2. HGTV
1. USA

and NBC, during certain select hours but not most of the time

jobs I would not want

Host of a celebrity gossip show

I would have to know all the inane crap about self-absorbed famous people. Then I would have to seem excited when one of them poops out another brat and names it Beijing or Pietermartizburg or Kabul or New Delhi because they've already used all the pretty European city names.
Then I would have to get my teeth whitened to a point where I can use them like a disco ball if the one in a club is out of commission and tan to the point people start asking if I am ethnic or just wearing a full bodysuit made of leather.
Also, I would have some peppy cohost in a color coordinated outfit and an IQ level equal to that of a two-week-old mango.

Eew.

things I thought were impossible

22. A spring-quarter course at the U of dub continuing into August.

favorite things

board games, totchos, queso, nicknames, TV on DVD

under-appreciate potential superpowers

I feel like these days, with the current economic strife, a great potential super power would be the ability to be a more appealing candidate for any job opening. Whether the other people smell funny, have weird eye-twitches, or got arrested for drug trafficking, you end up looking awesome in comparison.
What a great super power!

random facts

I hate the experimental psychological defenses in the order part of L&O.

back-door bragging

I hate being such a great cook because it means people always want to come see me and have me cook for them

rhetorical questions

Didn't we set the nights on fire?
Did ever a flame burn any higher?
Wasn't it so sweet, wasn't it?
Didn't we love?

things I thought were impossible

21. Rediscovering your love of a television show you already watch all the time

random facts

I love Alison.


(Yes, CO, your Alison.
Mostly because of her influence on you.)

random facts

I come from a land down under!

back-door bragging

Sometimes it's hard for me to talk about my accomplishments because I don't want to make my friends feel bad.

lessons I learned the hard way

91. Driving is not made easier by doing it for a great length of time

stupid jokes

What did the ocean say to the shore?

Nothing, he just waved.

top 5 tuesday

Things I would rather be doing

5. Napping
4. Eating ice cream
3. Playing Apples to Apples or Guess Who
2. Driving or walking around Tacoma
1. Making Bruno buy me cupcakes

top 5 tuesday

shit I consider vital in an apartment, in order

5. non-shittiness of landlord/lease terms
4. size relative to my shit
3. amenities (like, say, parking and laundry)
2. price relative to my life
1. location relative to campus

favorite things

swimming pools, Kate Spade, coffee, espresso, camping, camping where coffee is readily available

random facts

it ain't nothin' but a G thang, baby

lessons I learned the hard way

90. It is surprisingly difficult to find an apartment in a city where you are physically not.

back-door bragging

If I weren't so witty, I wouldn't always have to wait for people to stop laughing between telling jokes

how we do

the Cute One:
or you could ask me if I prefer Tommy or Brad as the leader of the Power Rangers
Tommy is the answer
even though he is the green/white ranger
and whatshisface is the red
I still like Tommy better

11:30pm Brunhilda:
explain

11:31pm the CO:
Tommy is super zen and highly badass
he wins the martial arts competitions, the sky-diving competition and he kisses Kimberly, the hot and useless Pink ranger
his Zord is a fucking godzilla
who can dislike him?

things that should be illegal

commercials featuring talking, anthropomorphized warts

things that should be illegal

Someone too large to fit in their single airplane seats getting actively angry at their seatmate for taking up his/her single assigned seat, into which he/she was hoping to comfortably spill.

guess the show

Stupid, marginally-military-related annoying people investigate crimes that take place on or near or related to the sea (or something equally lame), usually exactly during the time you'd really prefer to be watching Law and Order: SVU.

random facts

Man v. Food makes me want to barf.

favorite things

SVU-athons, Apples to Apples, the Brotus, Zoos

signs of cultural implosion VIII

The comment "that's a pretty good movie!" w/r/t Amanda Bynes' "She's the Man", the popularity of the song Boom Boom Pow, tourism commercials for the "city" of Enumclaw, the careers of any and all Baldwins not Alec, a second season of "Real Chance at Love," casinos being marketed as opportunities for financial and relationship success, WWE, an outlet mall without a J. Crew, people not enjoying Guess Who, the lack of belugas at our local zoo, encountering shitty croissants, that 30 Rock is not the most popular show on television, how gross Runts candy are, people not enjoying Arrested Development, the apparent lack of good burritos in parts of the US, the attitudes espoused by the kids on NYC Prep, Hot Topic, magical realism, people not wanting to go to a baseball game where cheap seats are only 8 dollars, the lack of James Roday in my life, nose and boob jobs given as high school graduation gifts, Casey Novak, that the Cute One and I know more about the characters on SVU than about most of our friends and family members.

top 5 tuesday

Better Best Animals to View At The Zoo!

5. Elephants!
4. Giraffes!
3. Tigers!
2. Gorillas!
1. TAPIRS!!!

top 5 tuesday

best animals to view at the zoo

5. penguins
4. camels
3. elephants
2. polar bears
1. orangutans

Maybe belugas would be on this list if ET the stupid fat walrus hadn't killed one. Also the cartoon-looking fish was a good time. And if there were kittens I would watch them.

lessons I learned the hard way

89. Crushed belugas are difficult to view at the zoo.

things that should be illegal

People agreeing to play Apples to Apples but then falling asleep instead of playing

stupid jokes

What did one wall say to the other?

Meet you at the corner.

how we do

Bruno: shoomanama ker slamina blort

The Cute One: shurgaurgalorgaburg

Bruno: sloopeydoop ma snah

tCO: kerpablata moonama!

back-door bragging

[via Brunhilda, last night, re: someone's stupid attempt to make Friday night plans on Friday night]

I'd like to be more spontaneous, but I have so many friends I'm rarely free at the last minute.

back-door bragging

[via The Cute One]

If I weren't so awesome I wouldn't have all these crazy life stories and experiences

favorite things

Discovering that MTV plays Degrassi in the mornings, fresh cut grass, art house movies, Spanish

how we do

the Cute One:
talk to me about which I find cooler gyrados or dragonite
then I'll be more interesting

11:27pm Brunhilda:
I'm not into Pokemon
so

11:27pm tCO:
the answer is gyrados except it's a pain in the ass to get/train since it only knows splash at first
and dragonite looks like something from a fairy's day dream
lame

11:28pm Brunhilda
god that stupid splash
who ever thought that was cool?
UGH

11:28pm tCO:
it was never cool but gyrados' unevolved form (magikarp) could only ever do splash
which made it a pain to level up
since splash does, like, 10 hit points a turn

11:29pm Brunhilda:
stupid pointless splash
what a waste

11:29pm tCO:
indeed

random facts

Brunhilda hates driving in the rain. And it is raining.

lessons I learned the hard way

88. There are no un-crowded beaches on Seafair weekend.

stupid jokes

What did the zero say to the eight?

Nice belt.

back-door bragging

[via Brunhilda]:

"The problem with really being on the cutting edge of fashion is that most people don't recognize your prescience until way later."

favorite things

spodi, Shark Week, Heart, Golden Gardens, "dates"

things that should be illegal

Sisters playing stupid Mariah Carey songs while Scrubs is on, or while the Food Network is on.

stupid jokes

I have a knock knock joke, you start