Monday, August 24, 2009

jobs I would not want

Host of a celebrity gossip show

I would have to know all the inane crap about self-absorbed famous people. Then I would have to seem excited when one of them poops out another brat and names it Beijing or Pietermartizburg or Kabul or New Delhi because they've already used all the pretty European city names.
Then I would have to get my teeth whitened to a point where I can use them like a disco ball if the one in a club is out of commission and tan to the point people start asking if I am ethnic or just wearing a full bodysuit made of leather.
Also, I would have some peppy cohost in a color coordinated outfit and an IQ level equal to that of a two-week-old mango.

Eew.

2 comments:

Brunhilda said...

So while I disagree with you on this particular job you would not want, I am going to give you credit for coming up with some pretty compelling arguments against it.

Tyrell said...

You know what job I wouldn't want? Penguin tank cleaner. Those things take dumps all day and they smell like rotten shitfish.